As you may already know, being a people person means being good at building
relationships with other people. Why is this a skill we need though? You
probably heard the saying “Your network determines your net
worth”. So being good with people gets you better jobs,
better deals, and help is always there when you
need it. It’s who you know, not what you
know. And, if they like you or not.
One person I know who’s a natural at being a people person is my friend Leon.
It seems whoever he meets always ends up being friends with him. He
always leaves them with a good impression and builds a solid
relationship. I’ve actually learned a lot from him and
I’ll share with you what it takes to be a people
person. The skills are simple and easy.
Only thing you need is to use it.
1) Take Interest in People
The first step to being a people person is to actually like people. What do car
people like? Cars right? And what about dog people? They like dogs.
So what you have to do is become interested in people. Start
becoming curious about their background, hobbies,
personalities, qualities, and their whole life
story. Deep relationships come from
knowing someone really good.
2) Ask Open-ended Questions
This step is VERY important! It gets people to talk more. For example, you
want to know about someone’s siblings. Don’t ask, “Do you have any
brothers or sisters?” This gets only a short answer out of the
person. Instead, say something like, “Tell me about
your siblings.” The person will have a longer
answer, even if they don’t have any
siblings. Just get them talking.
3) Make Them Feel Important
My friend Leon is extremely good at making people feel important when he’s
having a conversation with them. How does he do it? Two easy rules.
He keeps his entire focus on the conversation and he listens
more than he talks. This gets people to open up and
start talking. They will start to love you once
you can do this. They’ll barely know
you, but love you anyways.
4) Agree with Them, Most of the Time
People like other people who are with them, not against them. That’s not
how you build relationships. Be respectful of other people’s views
and opinions. Leon is notorious for using the phrase, “Oh
yeah?” This doesn’t show people you agree with
them or disagree. It shows them you’re
interested in what they’re saying.
That’s what you want to do!
5) Make Them Laugh
A good laugh builds good relationships. Car salesman are good at using
humor to build relationships with people. Why do you think they
tell all those jokes during the test drive? You need to do the
same thing. Now, you don’t have to be a comedian or
anything. Just say a light joke, maybe a funny
experience you had in your life. Make
them laugh, and they’ll love you.
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#1 by Positively Present on October 23rd, 2009
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Great post! I need this one because I’m really not a people person (at least not in person… online is different for some reason!). Thanks for sharing these tips.
#2 by Rocky | R O C K O N O V A . C OM on November 3rd, 2009
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Awesome article ! Being able to start and build relationships is a very important skill that everyone should have . These five tips are awesome because they really focus on the other person. Thanks !
#3 by Faizal Nisar on November 3rd, 2009
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Hey Rocky,
Welcome to BeTrulyHappy. Thanks for reading and the nice feedback.
#4 by Catrien Ross on March 6th, 2010
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Faizal, thank you, this post felt very happy to me – bouncing and light – so a very welcome start to my day here in Japan (Mount Fuji is very quiet right now, no live-fire artillery today). I especially like your point about taking interest in people. Taking interest means we are paying attention, and that means we are being aware. Being aware means we are engaged and connected with our inner selves, as well as what we encounter around us. That somehow shifts the focus away from our selfish tendencies and opens the doorway to welcoming our situations and interactions with a more genuine mind. I always appreciate the insights you post on your blog – Catrien Ross.
#5 by Faizal Nisar on March 8th, 2010
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Hey Catrien, your comments are always nice to read. Taking genuine interest in people helps build greater connections. After all, we all are human and work with emotions.
#6 by Scott M on May 25th, 2010
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I appreciate the effort to put forward these tips. But this is really circular reasoning. Essentially you are saying “If you aren’t a people person, then simply be a people person!”
For example, how is it possible to make yourself interested in people if you aren’t interested in them to start with? I don’t WANT to know about their backgrounds, hobbies, siblings. I find most people uninteresting. After talking with them for a long time… I still find most of them uninteresting. It’s just the way I am.